musings from a faded muse

greetings from the depths of hell!

i recently posted 2 stories on my website, REAL LIFE & SASSY.  read them NOW!  REAL LIFE is about a club visit that gets messy, & SASSY is the tale of Sassy Splash’s little known beginning.  You probably don’t even know who Sassy Splash is, do you??? psshhhh………..get educated!!

as always, my stories are READATYOUROWNRISK!  especially Sassy!  if you like trashy, sexy talk, then read on! otherwise, go play with your care bears, nerd.  thats really not even an insult, since i have care bears & i’m most definitely a nerd.

 

in personal feisty news, i’ve sort of hit a hard spot.  i’ve got stuff to work on, & ideas in the cooker, but every time i face a blank page i find myself wandering off & unable to spit anything out.
i’m sure its a combination of moving to richmond, feeling cut off, hating the cold weather, not getting a job yet, being lazy……..in one word, DEPRESSION. i’ve had it a good chunk of my life, off & on.  And for a good while it was off because i was feeling useful & loved, i guess.  So when it comes back, i become one of those assholes thats like “shake it off!”  fyi, its not that easy.

i’m reading the bell jar right now, i’ve read it many times & i love it, so i’m reading it again.  & i know the funk she feels, because i feel it too.  sylvia plath (or esther..) is more dramatic than me, but hopelessness, feeling uninspired, and wanting nothing but sleep is something we have in common right now.

there’s another part of it too, the confusion of too many choices in front of you.  her problem was she didn’t want any of it, she didn’t want to be a wife or pregnant, or a secretary.  my problem is i can’t afford it, i’m stuck being poor.  i’m stuck with the bad choices i already made, with the selfishness in which i went about my early 20s.  realistically, i cannot fathom feeling the weight of 39 years behind you, at 40 years old.  i am turning 27 in june and i already feel too much damage has been done.

well, i think thats enough scary talk for one blog post.  i couldn’t be all light & fluffy forever dear.  inside, (& starting to be outside) i am just too heavy for that.

keep breathing kids.
feisty

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